Barack Hussein Obama Presidential Library & Museum: Sneak Preview

Yes, the rumors are true. I just returned from the Sneak Preview opening of the Barack Hussein Obama Presidential Library and Museum. I hesitated to share my recent escapade, but given all the buzz surrounding Obama’s Presidential Library, I realized my readers might enjoy a brief account of my trip—along with a few illustrative "googtoons."

Surprise Invitation to attend the Sneak Preview of the Barack Hussein Obama Presidential Library dedication ceremonies.

A Surprise Invitation

Not being a fervent supporter of President Obama, I was understandably stunned to receive an invitation to the Sneak Preview opening of his presidential library. Regardless, duty called. How could I turn down an all-expenses-paid trip to Hawaii and a round of golf with the president? Yes, the invitation included a personal note from Obama himself asking if I’d “have time to play a round or two.”

Getting some shut-eye on the flight over amid Obama's largess. 

My first-class flight came with some unique perks: a signed program of events, presidential PJs, a personal masseuse, and an “Obama-sized” gift bag stuffed with entitlements, all generously funded by American taxpayers. 

Snuggled up in my lavender “I Got You Covered” commemorative blanket, I read up on the new library—situated, as I learned, on the “beautiful” campus of the University of Hawaii. Unfortunately, our flight took an unexpected detour when it was revealed that the UH campus in question was a satellite location… in Nairobi.

Welcome to Nairobi

So much for packing my snorkel and fins.

Amazingly enough, I was greeted at the airport amid much fanfare and hoopla. Crowds cheered behind a fence adorned with banners, though the excitement seemed more for the occasion than for me. Still, I managed a quick wave as cameras clicked, capturing my arrival like I was a rock star. 

After the commotion, I was whisked away by a private limousine to the dedication ceremony.

An AP photographer was on hand to capture Nairobi's greeting guests. Here I am, arriving and leaving.  

The Battered Blue Bus

The journey was uneventful until we approached the University of Hawaii Nairobi campus. A battered blue bus suddenly careened into view, swerving wildly before coming to a screeching halt. Steam billowed from its hood, and the back tire emitted a sharp hiss of air. Intrigued, I asked my driver to stop and see if we could offer assistance.

We quickly pulled over just across from the promenade parking. While waiting for my door to open I looked through the windshield and noticed all but two heads inside the dilapidated bus - a female behind the wheel and the backside of a conspicuously irate man descending the steps.

A snapshot of Pelosi and Reid in their dilapidated bus facing the
wrong direction. The banner on the bus can be seen just before falling.

As we pulled over, I caught sight of the bus’s beleaguered occupants: a frantic female driver gripping the wheel like it might bolt from her hands and an older man, visibly irate, descending the steps with the kind of theatrical gestures that demanded a soundtrack. His complaints about "gridlock" and the "Koch brothers" echoed across the parking lot. The driver added her own nonsensical commentary: "We had to pass the limo so we can find out who's in it!"

It took only a moment to recognize them: Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, their expressions caught between frustration and resignation, stranded in what could only be described as an unfortunate detour from glory. The "Obama Supporters" banner, clinging desperately to the side of the bus, seemed symbolic—giving up the fight as it peeled away and collapsed onto the pavement with a theatrical, pitiful thud.

As much as I would've liked to assist, my driver urged me back into the limo, reminding me that the ceremony was about to begin. With a twinge of guilt, I shouted a parting line I hoped they'd find uplifting: "Have no fears—I had every intention of offering you help!"

The Origins of My Invitation 

Unfortunately, we arrived ten minutes into the dedication ceremony. I was hurriedly escorted to my seat—front row center. After briefly protesting that the name on the chair wasn’t mine, I shut my mouth (and snapped a photo) when I realized the origins of my invitation: a White House staffer must have confused me with Michael Jordan—again.

The origins of my invitation quickly become apparent.

Scanning the crowd, I was relieved to see familiar faces behind me: Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter, Alan Keyes, and others. Clearly, I was in good company. Whether the seating arrangements were a morbid joke or the work of an administrative turncoat, I wasn’t about to complain.

At the back of the venue, workers were removing dozens of seats, claiming they were needed for “overflow guests outside.” This logic didn’t make much sense, but I’d long stopped expecting coherence from this administration.

The Ceremony Begins

Sharing the historic day with the President, The ceremony featured all living presidents and their wives—or so it seemed. Pelosi and Reid, stationed front and center at the end of a glistening red runner, flanked the presidential seal like scavengers on the lookout. The rest of the stage held Presidents Carter, Clinton, both Bushes and their spouses—plus Vice President Biden—lined up like a tableau of history.

The President inexplicably donned scrubs and a stethoscope for his Presidential Library Sneak Preview. 

Just as Obama was stammering through his 87th "uh," disaster struck! A sudden, forceful wind swept across the stage, sending the standing dignitaries and their wives tumbling like bowling pins. Only Michelle and Obama remained upright, their expressions frozen somewhere between bewilderment and resignation.

Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi sprang into action, rushing to aid the fallen VIPs. Yet, as none of the toppled luminaries showed any sign of recovering from their ungracious face plants, curiosity got the better of us. Standing for a clearer view, we were astonished to see the glistening, white, flat backsides of the dignitaries. Life-size cutouts. Every single one.

Before we could fully process this revelation, Harry and Nancy were already busy repositioning the cardboard figures with an efficiency that suggested this wasn’t their first rodeo. But the surreal didn’t stop there. Just as they finished tidying the stage, another gust of wind caught Michelle’s cutout, tearing it from Obama’s grip and sweeping it skyward. To our collective amazement, a large section of Hillary’s cutout—uncannily broom-shaped—detached from its base and joined Michelle in mid-air.

I captured the eerie scene of Michelle and Hillary flying out of sight.

Together, the two cutouts rose in a swirling ascent, briefly hovering overhead before disappearing beyond the curtain backdrop. Adding to the spectacle was the unmistakable sound of an eerie cackle carried on the wind, sending a chill through the audience.

The entire scene was the most surreal sight I’ve ever witnessed. And, inexplicably, none of us could resist the urge to wave goodbye as they floated away.

The Ceremony Comes to a Close

After the applause died down, Obama deftly recovered from the disaster with a display of theatrical star power. One moment, the stage was shrouded in light and smoke; the next, a parade of Hollywood’s finest—from Oprah to Clooney—lit up the platform, their larger-than-life presences eliciting gasps from the audience.

At the forefront stood Obama’s pièce de résistance: Bruce Springsteen, guitar in hand, ready to bring the house down. The crowd erupted with wild cheers. That is, until Bruce began singing "Born in the U.S.A.," a choice that fell spectacularly flat given the context.

As the wind picked up again, it became apparent that even The Boss was not all he appeared to be. His edges flapped and bent in the gusts, revealing his true nature as yet another one-dimensional cardboard figure. The same fate befell the rest of the Hollywood elite. Pelosi and Reid, now seasoned veterans of this particular chaos, leaped into action. They hauled the tattered rocker offstage with neither ceremony nor subtlety, unceremoniously tossing him atop the growing heap of toppled presidents, their spouses, and flattened celebrities.

With Pelosi and Reid as the last remaining carbon-based guests still standing, Obama cleared his throat, glanced at his watch, and announced he had just remembered a 2:00 tee time with Michael Jordan. Without further ado, he excused himself and made a hasty retreat, leaving the rest of us to ponder the surreal spectacle we had just witnessed.

The Library Tour

The entire ceremony and exhibition tour was scheduled for five hours. Still, with only a single achievement to commemorate, it was possible to experience the entire library in a matter of seconds. The dignitaries, guests, and Secret Service packed things up and departed before lunch. I lingered briefly, allowing myself the rare privilege of having the library to myself.

Here's a "selfie" of me in the back corner of Obama's Presidential Library reading Exhibit #440, "First Black President."

For me, the most remarkable aspect of the museum was the Presidential Seal at the entrance of the "Gallery of Achievements." The seal emitted a soft, vibrating hum from a recording of adulating crowds and glowed warmly around its circumference. If you bent close enough, you could also hear what sounded like the rising oceans gently lapping against the shore.

I appreciated the self-deprecating humor (intended or otherwise).

When one reporter asked the museum’s curator, Hugh Janis, how the library came to be long before President Obama’s departure, he replied: "

A glowing, vibrating Presidential Seal with echoing
sounds of adulating crowds and lapping oceans. 

Considering it’s traditional for presidential library dedication ceremonies to occur after presidents have left office, Barack Obama could now declare, honestly, that he’d actually done something truly unprecedented."

He added, "Also, as a lame duck with abysmal polling numbers, the president has, for all intents and purposes, accomplished everything he will be remembered for. With no other achievements to speak of, President Obama’s supporters decided it was prudent to make the most of his legacy before his only real triumph was also proven a fabrication like everything else."

In the end, the sneak preview of the Barack Hussein Obama Presidential Library and Museum was an unforgettable experience—equal parts surreal, absurd, and amusing. If nothing else, it offered a vivid snapshot of the Obama presidency: theatrical, unprecedented, and light on substance.

Mark

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