Sunday

Weiner Bumper Stickers (We May Now Never See)

I received an email from a family member (who may wish to remain anonymous), who challenged me "To Top" a bit of good natured buffoonery contained within. Following is what you get when you test a photographer/writer with no small smattering of OCD.

ADDENDUM - April 10, 2013
With recent news of Anthony Weiner possibly tossing his hat back in the political ring (mayor's race), I was forced to alter by blog title from Weiner Bumper Stickers "We Will Never See" to "We May Now See." Other than that, my blog post remains entirely intact. Enjoy?

ADDENDUM - November 10, 2013
The title of this post has gone from stickers "We Will Never See," to "We May Now See," and now, after Weiner's debacle in New York's Mayoral race, back to "We May Now Never See." Sorry for the confusion, but it's not me who keeps changing the landscape.
The Franken Weiner Bumper Sticker - A Weiner Bumper Sticker We May Now Never See

Weiner Bumper Stickers (We May Now Never See)

THE OFFICIAL AND EXHAUSTIVE COMPENDIUM

I've seen a lot of ink lately about the now fallen aspirations of a once possible 2012 Presidential ticket of Anthony Weiner and Eric Holder. Regardless, Drudge Report states that the Weiner-Holder was never considered as a viable ticket. Democrats were fearful of putting Weiner-Holder in the hands of American voters.

It was Michelle Malkin who reported that it was actually Dept. of Defense, Robert Gates, who was going to take on the VP slot to Weiner's stab at the Presidency. However, it was dropped quickly when it was decided the ticket would have reminded Americans of the salacious scandal that impelled Weiner to resign his congressional seat. Understandably, Weiner-Gates was just not going to cut it. 

Politico revealed today that Dept. of Commerce, Gray Locke, too, had thrown his name into the ring for VP, but with Weiner-Locke conjuring up images of a head-lock and dead-lock, the ticket was dropped. Spokesman for Locke would only say that the "ticket was not conducive to galvanizing support."

Biden too had considering making a run for presidency with Weiner as his VP, according to Townhall, but with Biden's nickname being "Bite-me," talking heads warned that the Bite-me-Weiner ticket, though not distasteful to the diehards, would have nonetheless been quickly licked. 

Even more astonishing was Hot Air's piece on Weiner's running mate considerations; he not only entertained running with a host of political figures ranging from heavyweights to newcomers, but actually courted both sides of the aisle, Republican and Democrat alike. Weiner's ambitions had the feel of either an assiduous calculation or a desperate man contemplating just about any device to win an election. 

A close friend of mine in D.C., and an associate of Laura Ingraham, was handed a partial list of possible Weiner presidential tickets for 2012. She then forwarded it along to me. For your intellectual curiosity, I've attached the list of the "dream-team" tickets below. I could not help but add a few unsolicited observations as well.

Political analyst Dick Morris went as far to suggest that Weiner's foray into politics was initially given rise by his childhood speech impediment, pronouncing his "L" as an "R." He spent the formative years of his life promising his family and classmates he would dedicate his life to politics, hopefully one day succeeding with an "erection." 

Weiner's speech disorder required extensive therapy to correct. Regardless of the apparent success, which was announced in 1987 by his then speech pathologist, Dr. Ruth, the question still lingered whether such formative "psycho-connectivity word associations" could ever be comprehensively ameliorated. When asked for comment, Dr. Ruth did reply but no one was able to determine exactly what she said or what context she intended with her reference to "Steely Dan."

As to Weiner's aspirations, he made good that dream in 1992 by winning his underdog bid for New York Councilman. At the tender of age of 27, he was the youngest to do so in New York history. Weiner's acceptance speech stunned his supporters when he shouted, "I've got you to thank for my very first election," vowing to use his political power to "take home one election after another," from that day forward. In the excitement of the moment Weiner's "R-L" handicap reemerged, marring what should have been an otherwise momentous occasion.

Say what you will about Anthony Weiner, no one can say he was not a man of his word.

So then, when the groundwork being laid, let us now examine the list of those whom Weiner had chosen to run as his Vice President. They have the makings of bumper stickers we'll probably now never get to see. Many of the names just might surprise you:

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Weiner - Camp, Dave - Congressman
Ticket quickly went limp when about about 2% of the American public would not consider admitting to being solidly behind or in the Weiner-Camp?

Weiner - Warner, Mark - Senator
Sarah Palin's answer to a modern day Paul Revere: "The Weiner is coming! The Weiner is coming!"

Weiner - Wolf, Frank - Congressman
Not to be confused with famous R&B soul-man, "Peter Wolf," this ticket evoked images of charmers who come in sheep's clothing, if not gym towels, but inwardly are ravenous perverts.

Weiner - Hunter, Duncan - Congressman
Regardless of dogging Weiner-Wolf in early polling, it's been rumored Weiner-Hunter is actually the code name for Andrew Breitbart.

Weiner - Webb, Jim - Senator
To Lady Justice: "Oh what a tangled Webb we Weiner when first we practice to deceive Her."

Weiner - Boxer, Barbara - Senator
Too cute by half, adopting the 1979 chart topper, "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" as their rallying cry, Weiner-Boxer was down for the count before the first round. With no ace in the hole, they got a taste of their own medicine and were emasculated early on. The opposition did in fact "Fire Away," giving Weiner-Boxer an ugly beating in every poll. Benatar

Weiner - Payne, Donald - Congressman
"Vote for Weiner Payne!" - a rallying cry that was a cinch to lose the male vote. A casualty of the Weiner-Boxer.

Weiner - Sessions, Pete - Senator
Teaming up with the Republican Pete Sessions, Weiner had hoped to portray himself as a tool of male empowerment, and the ultimate embodiment of individuality. A direct spinoff of the Vagina Monologues

Weiner - Pastor, Ed - Congressman
The degree to which Mega-Churches are able to offer a ministry for about every spiritual need just amazes me.

Weiner - Cleaver, Emanuel - Congressman
In a parallel universe there should be Weiner-Cleaver to every Beaver Cleaver - the Yin to its Yang.

Weiner - Graham, Bob - Senator
They were most recently known merely as a Tweet. Were I to send a Weiner-Graham to Weiner today, it would read: "Urgent STOP Good judgment comes from experience STOP Experience comes from bad judgment END"  

Weiner - Hopper, Randy - State Senator
With Hopper's indiscretions outed, and his recall election underway, this campaign didn't have a leg to stand on. 

Weiner - Price, Dave - Congressman
If you have to ask, you can't afford it. 

Weiner - Bonner, Jo - Congressman
Sure, Bonner rhymes with yawner, but you got to know the electorate would have always rhymed it with loner.

Weiner - Rush, Bobby - Congressman
No euphemism was ever more apt. After all, his ardent supports contend Weiner did Rush headlong into a premature evacuation.

Weiner - Schock, Aaron -Congressman
With American men having difficulty adjusting to a Weiner markedly different from their own, the ticket never had a chance of rising to the occasion. 
NOTE: Parallels Alvin Toffler's "Future Shock" but exacerbated by "too much Weiner in too short a period of time."

Weiner - Flake, Jeff - Congressman
When Procter & Gamble's Head & Boulders didn't readily catch on, they relabeled it as the dandruff killer we know today.
NOTEHead & Shoulders is still effective even for the most bothersome Weiner-Flake.

Weiner - Horn, Jim - Congressman
After trumpeting his own instrument and tooting it throughout the internet, the Weiner-Horn campaign fell flat, long before it was full-blown.

Weiner - Sanders, Bernard - Senator
I've not thought of it before but why not - I guess it might also be a viable way to file down the ole Weiner-Horns.

Weiner - Tester, Jon - Senator
I recall taking an extension course in coffee testing where we'd sniffslurpswish and spit! But then, I digress. 

Weiner - Peters, Gary - Congressman
Too easy.

Weiner - DicksNorm - Congressman
A bit repetitious, don't you think? 
*See Weiner-Peters.

Weiner - Waters, Maxine - Congressman
Makes you want to hold your nose and wade through on the balls of your feet with pant legs lifted high.

Weiner - Roest, Jerry Vander - State Representative
"Nothing beats sitting around a campfire, roasting weiners." Andrew Breitbart 
*See Weiner-Hunter and Weiner-Camp

Weiner - Speier, Jackie - Congresswoman
Other than a Speier possibly being viewed as a pole consisting of a shaft, usually wooden, with a pointed head, I don't see any significant correlation to Weiner here.

Weiner - Whicker, Roger - Senate
I'm not certain how comfortable most Americans would feel relaxing on the patio in a chaise make from one of these. It also probably wouldn't be long before Whicker became Whacker.

Weiner - King, Pete - Congressman
Has a a good ring to it - kinda like the Lion King, except without the Lion, or the King. That aside, their real Achilles Heal was that with both men displaying equal gravitas, Americans cited fears of watching which head would eventually wear the crown.

Weiner - Fudge, Marcia - Congressman
Sorry folks, I'm just not going there...
*See the Frank-Weiner ticket.
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By far, the vast majority of political pundits had Weiner running as the VP. Following are a few of the politicians who are no longer considering Weiner to share their 2012 Presidential Ticket:

Peter - Counselor to President Obama 
Rouse - Weiner
Weiner's rise to fame as a Congressmen was do largely to how quickly affairs would incite him, but after his recent collapse it was a sure bet his standing would all be but a pipe dream.

Bill/Todd/Eddie - Congressman 
Young - Weiner
Thus the reason, pundits speculate, why Weiner aired several of his hairless tweets.
*See Weiner-Graham.

Pete - Congressman 
Stark - Weiner
*See Young-Weiner.

Roy - Senator 
Blunt - Weiner
Their abrupt emergence was universally viewed as a shameless artifice designed to take attention off their failure to articulate a viable platform, thereby emphasizing the pointlessness of their lackluster ticket.

Bob - Congressman 
Latta - Weiner
This ticket died a quick death shortly after their prime campaign slogan was squelched when Led Zeppelin declined to alter their lyrics to say "Whole Latta-Weiner." Jimmy Page was quoted as saying, "Hell man, I'm just as down with it has as any dude, ya know. But even I've got some sorta principles. Yeah. It's like too much to hear a lyric like, 'I wanna give ya my luv' and replace it with Weiner.' No man - not even me." 
NOTE: "Whole Lotta Love" was Led Zeppelin's first hit single and #3 greatest hard rock song of all time. Latta-Weiner had hoped to capitalize on being associated with imagery of led, rock, and hard. 

Louise - Congresswoman
Slaughter - Weiner
On paper, the Slaughter-Weiner team looked to be the Republicans most formidable opposition. However, regardless of which political camp, both sides of the aisle adopted the same rallying cry. Even more confusion resulted when motorists displaying Slaughter-Weiner bumper stickers didn't know to which political persuasion they were giving their thumbs up. Polling also clearly showed their logo made men in both parties feel squeamish.

The Slaughter Weiner Bumper Sticker 2012 Presidential Campaign
Stephen - Congressman
Lynch - Weiner
Lynch-Weiner met a similar fatal fate of the Slaughter-Weiner team, although both are holding out and hanging around.

Gregory - Congressman
Meek - Weiner
If only Weiner realized it is the Meek-Weiner who shall inherit the earth. He later confessed he confused it with "freak."

Barney - Congressman
Frank - Weiner
*See the Weiner-Fudge ticket.

Mike - Senator
Crapo - Weiner
*See the Weiner-Fudge ticket.

Gwen -Congresswoman
Moore - Weiner
Polling shows Moore-Weiner actually had the greatest odds of winning with 87% of Republican men supporting the ticket just for the chance of hearing the NOW gang shout, "Moore-Wiener! Moore-Wiener! Moore-Wiener!"

Tim/Sam - Senator/Congressman
Johnson - Weiner
Again, too easy.
*See Weiner-PetersWeiner-Dicks and Frank-Weiner.

Ron - Senator 
Wyden - Weiner
Hopeful ticket, but just like the enlargement pills, the promise of a Wyden-Weiner suffered from offering a proposition they could never deliver.

Tim - Congressman
Holden - Weiner
Similar to why the Weiner-Holder ticket was doomed for failure - no one wanted to be left holding the bag, let alone Holden-Weiner.

Olympia - Senator 
Snowe - Weiner
With Anthony Weiner finally out and down, there is serious consideration by Rep. Jeff Flake joining Olympia Snowe. However, most analysts contend they wouldn't stand a Snowe-Flake's chance in hell. 
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THE RAINBOW COALITION HOPEFULS  
Dan - Senator 
Blue - Weiner

Sherrod - Senator 
Brown - Weiner

Sheldon - Senator 
Silver - Weiner

Martin - Senator 
Golden - Weiner

Mike - Senator 
Rose - Weiner

Mary Anne - Senator 
Salmon - Weiner

Bill - Mayor 
White - Weiner

Diane - Congresswoman
Black - Weiner

Linda - Senator
Gray - Weiner

Gene - Congressman 
Green - Weiner
We wouldn't want to leave out the Martian Alliance, now would we? This also applies to Sen. Mike Kelly.
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The Franken Weiner Bumper Sticker - A Weiner Bumper Sticker We May Now Never See
Al - Senator
Franken - Weiner
Abandoned, frightened, and completely unaware of its own identity, the Franken-Weiner ticket was sure to wander through the political wilderness searching for any coalition who might understand and shelter them.

Richard - Senator
Lugar - Weiner
With the first round of political ads fired, pundits contend their assembly (locked together at this point) would have traveled rearward due to the recoil of Lugar's first name being Dick. A surefire shot in the dark with no aim or real hope of mounting a sustainable campaign. 

Mark - Senator
Pryor - Weiner
Regardless of having a prodigious backing and a nose for politicking, Pryor-Weiner fell victim to their own chicanery, succumbing to an adversary who caught them in a compromising position, butting-in where a Weiner did not belong. 

Peter - Congressman 
Kind - Weiner
A noble dedication to traditional American values and a determination to direct them toward making the United States "a kinder and gentler Weiner."

Mell - Congressman
Watt - Weiner
What millions of Americans are asking who either don't have time to follow politics or don't care. 

Todd - Congressman
Akin - Weiner
Oooo, sounds painful... 

Robert - Congressman 
Hurt - Weiner
This campaign got beat up early on and was severely shaken by it close affiliation with Akin-Weiner and Weiner-Payne - all at the hands of Weiner-Boxer.
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CHESS ANYONE?

Estaban - Spain Senator
Pons - Weiner

Timothy - City Councilman
Rooke - Weiner

Pete - State Senator
Knight - Weiner

Rob - Congressman
Bishop - Weiner

Joe Same - Congressman
Queen - Weiner
Political analysts contend that a more suitable running mate for Queen may have been Barney Frank.

Steve - Congressman
King - Weiner
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William - Congressman 
Clay - Weiner
Other than contracting Steely Dan to compose their theme music, the campaign offered no substitution for discharging a stiff opposition to any real comers.  

Rob - Congressman 
Woodall - Weiner
When asked if his rigid reputation might be a hindrance to their ticket, Woodall was quoted as saying, "The resemblance of my nickname to the protagonist in Toy Story is totally irrelevant."

Cliff - Congressman
Stern - Weiner
Even without the towering hype, and regardless of being firm on extending the Bush tax cuts, Stern-Weiner's hard and uncompromising stance on the Abortion, as well as their inflexible support of Universal Heath Care, had just enough support to prolong an extensive stretch home and come out a weiner (sic).  

Billy - Congressman 
Long - Weiner
It's solid relationship to Stern and Woodall may have helped the Long-Weiner soar higher in the polls, but without any firm conviction on fiscal policy they would faced stiff opposition from their own thick-headed unit. 

Michael - Congressman
Grimm - Weiner
No matter how you look at it, this ticket was headed for a landslide loss from the start. No one, Republican and Democrat alike, could look into the eye of a Grimm-Weiner and vote to have it hang around for four years. Not to be confused with a Stern-Weiner.

Bill - Senator 
Diamond - Weiner
A girl's bestest friend.  

John - Senator
Rockefeller - Weiner
This is just plain bragging.

Elijah - Congressman 
Cumming - Weiner 
I guess we'll just never know what an exciting ticket a Cumming-Weiner would have made, or if they would have even taken a respectable shot at it.

Sheldon - Senator 
Whitehouse - Weiner
If I'm not mistaken, don't we already have one of these sitting in the Oval Office?
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Regardless of the possible presidential tickets gone by the wayside, the latest and most reliable news coming out of Fox has Weiner running as VP to Dept. of Energy, Steven Chu... The thought of Chu-Weiner still has many of my liberal buddies salivating...


Mark
©Googtoon - the photographic and personal observations of Orange County Photographer, Mark Jordan