Creation Explained - Like You've Never Heard Before
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| CREATION EXPLAINED: Like You've Never Heard Before |
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| CREATION EXPLAINED: IN THE BEGINNING... God Created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with cauliflower, broccoli, spinach, and green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, ensuring that Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. |
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| CREATION EXPLAINED: Then using God’s great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream, and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan whispered, “Want chocolate with that?" And Man said “Yes!” And Woman said, “As long as you are at it, add Sprinkles.” And they gained 10 pounds.Satan smiled. |
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| CREATION EXPLAINED: And God Created the healthful Yogurt that Woman might keep the Figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth White Flour from the Wheat, and Sugar from the Cane, and combined them. And Woman expanded from Size 6 to Size 14. |
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| CREATION EXPLAINED: So God said, "Try my fresh Green Salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, butter croutons and garlic toast... And Man unfastened his belt following the repast. |
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| CREATION EXPLAINED: God then said, “I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil, which to cook them.” And Satan brought forth deep fried fish, hamburgers, and chicken-fried steak so big it needed it’s own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof. |
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| CREATION EXPLAINED: God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake" and said, "It is Good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food." |
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| CREATION EXPLAINED: God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with remote control so Man would not toil in changing channels. Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds. |
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| CREATION EXPLAINED: Then God brought forth the Potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep fried them. Man gained pounds. |
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| CREATION EXPLAINED: God then gave Man lean beef to consume fewer calories yet still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald’s and the $.99 Double Cheeseburger. Then said, “Want fries with that?” And Man said, “Yes, super size them!” And Satan said, “It is good.” And Man went into Cardiac Arrest. |
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| CREATION EXPLAINED: God sighed and created Quadruple Bypass Surgery. |
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| CREATION EXPLAINED: Then Satan Created the Obama Health Care System (Obamaburg). Amen |
IN THE BEGINNING... God Created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with cauliflower, broccoli, spinach, and green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, ensuring that Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
THREE. Then using God’s great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream, and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan whispered, “Want chocolate with that?” And Man said “Yes!” And Woman said, “As long as you are at it, add Sprinkles.” And they gained ten pounds. Satan smiled.
FOUR. And God Created the healthful Yogurt that Woman might keep the Figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth White Flour from the Wheat, and Sugar from the Cane, and combined them. And Woman expanded from Size 6 to Size 14.
FIVE. So God said, "Try my fresh Green Salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, butter croutons and garlic toast... And Man unfastened his belt following the repast.
SIX. God then said, “I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil, which to cook them.” And Satan brought forth deep fried fish, hamburgers, and chicken-fried steak so big it needed it’s own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
SEVEN. God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake" and said, "It is Good."
Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."
EIGHT. God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with remote control so Man would not toil in changing channels. Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
NINE. Then God brought forth the Potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep fried them. Man gained pounds.
TEN. God then gave Man lean beef to consume fewer calories yet still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald’s and the $.99 Double Cheeseburger. Then said, “Want fries with that?” And Man said, “Yes, super size them!” And Satan said, “It is good.” And Man went into Cardiac Arrest.
ELEVEN. God sighed and created Quadruple Bypass Surgery.
TWELVE. Then Satan Created the Obama Health Care System. Amen
P.S. There's only one thing we can say as we watch the Obamaburg come crashing to the ground, "Oh the humanity!"
Mark
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