The "Soup Nazi" of Search Engines • Part 3 of 3

I once reasoned that "Google" was short for Go Ogle, i.e a creative way of demanding that we all go surf-the-net. But now, after years of experience, I believe they must have borrowed from the Australian vernacular, goog, an egg. As you know, an egg can either be a zero, or is exactly what business owners will lay when attempting to contact Google - or worse yet, conducting business with them. Either that or they've harkened back to Old English, where a goog is a drunk... I'll let you fill in the blanks.

In fact, now that I think about it, not many pleasantries come from eggs. Besides laying one, there's to suck eggs, having egg on one's face, being a bad egg, and let's us not forget the adage, not to put all one's eggs in one basket. 

On further reflection, maybe this is precisely what Google has been telling us all along, in a kind of a macabre, Twilight Zone sort of way. You know the episode where the seemingly gracious nine-foot Kanamits clearly articulated their disposition toward earthlings: To Serve Man. And just as they learned too late that the ambiguous phrase was actually the title of their Cookbook, we today assume Google was established to better serve the public good, all the while however, it's merely beckoning us to trust them with our business and personal connections/privacy, only later to discover in horror that it's recipe for disaster. 

Fortunately, after weeks of wondering and waiting, my reviews finally did return. As to my AdSense Campaign, I waited to post this blog until I heard back from Google as to how they would respond to their antiseptic appeal form. Google's stated. "After thoroughly re-reviewing your account data and taking your feedback into consideration, our specialists have confirmed that we're unable to reinstate your AdSense account." 

So what? Just open a new account, right? Google goes on to cite: "Please also note that publishers disabled for invalid click activity are not allowed any further participation in AdSense. For this reason, these publishers may not open new accounts."

In case you just missed it, a judge and jury declared my sudden rise in ad clicks as "invalid activity." I was not asked why or given any sort of voice or opportunity to talk with anyone. Since there is no customer service, there is no one to call, no appeal, and no avenue to gain an explanation. 

No-google-for-you!

Now then, any takers who wish to attempt to support Google as anything but an onerous, inhumane machine, seeking who it may ban from it's infinite line of customers? 

Melodramatic? Possibly. Maybe standing in my shoes might afford you a different perspective. 

However, it's of interest to note that a couple Google-geeks have cautioned me not to post this blog for fear of retribution. What does this tell you about those who know Google intimately? Do any of us have such apprehensions of speaking our mind in regards to other behemoths such as Wal-Mart? General Electric? Hewlett-Packard? MacDonalds? State Farm? So then, why does the mere mention of "Google" send shivers down the backs of the well-informed?

If such presage exists now, what does it foretell in the years to come? Google Watch Dog states: "There are no detailed, published standards issued by Google, and there is no appeal process for penalized sites. Google is completely unaccountable." I ask you, what does history teach us about any entity that wielded great power without the governance of accountability?  Has anything good come from them? To the contrary. 

Whether my misgivings are warranted or not, as well as my account of how Google treated my abrupt rise in AdSense clicks, it might prove prudent to consider the degree to which your tether is fastened to them. If anything, simply be vigilant so you too are not left standing in line with "egg" on your face.

NEXT!

Part I
Part 2

Mark Jordan
©GOOGTOON - Observations on Life • Popular Culture • Politics • Entertainment • Public Figures

The "Soup Nazi" of Search Engines • Part 2 of 3

NEWS FLASH: You'll never guess what just happened to me as I was writing this blog post. I received a notice from Google stating that they terminated my AdSense Account!! If you don't know what this is, it's how I earn pennies/dollars a day from all you wonderful souls who click the ads next to my blog posts. Yes, each time you click one of those little ads, I get paid a few pennies. Understandably, it adds up! [Notice that ads no longer exist on my blog.]

Well, I've actually never been paid a penny, yet. It's because my total paltry earnings have never reached the established threshold for Google to mail me a check - but at long last I was catching on to blogging, and getting close to receiving my first pay check. However now it's all gone - every single penny over the last five years! Why? Read on.

Google smelled something fishy and determined I was cheating. Why? There was a precipitous increase in ad clickings. So much so that I had mentioned to my friends, in utter amazement, how much more I had earned in just one day. In fact, I profited as much on the night of the Academy Awards as I had obtained in the five years prior. In one night!! Thank you! I can also understand Google's concern. 

However, did Google call, write or contact me in any way to find out what might be causing the spike in ad clicks? Okay, now that you've all had a good laugh - come on now, really, it wasn't that funny. Alright then, I'll give you a few more moments to collect yourself.

Let me ask you - what do you think was the cause of the sudden rise in ad clicks? Yes, that's right, the two blog articles I posted on the night of the Oscars. Both were hyper relevant to the Randy Newman's Oscar win, and my review of The King's Speech, which took home best picture. You figured this out easily. But Google? 

The company with the biggest and brightest brains - do you think they would have made accommodations for such rationale and plausible occurrences? No, it appears their programing does not take into account the relevance quotient to current events. Rather than allowing for some sort of initial buffer in their decision process, before cutting off one's legitimate right to their earnings, they terminate one's account and forward a notice. 

No-AdSense-for-you!

Obviously, I am not surprised - nor are you. It only supports my contention of Google as a dispassionate monstrosity of biblical proportions. Possibly worse.

Tomorrow - Part 3 of 3:
(or return to Part 1)

I had once reasoned that "Google" was short for Go Ogle, i.e a creative way of demanding that we all go surf-the-net. But now, after years of experience, I believe they must have borrowed from the Australian vernacular, goog, which is an... 

Mark Jordan
©GOOGTOON - Observations on Life • Popular Culture • Politics • Entertainment • Public Figures

The "Soup Nazi" of Search Engines • Part 1 of 3

Though client reviews are posted throughout the web, I recently discovered that what can be present today, can be gone in a flash, tomorrow. This happened when Google was challenged with software issues and suddenly Mark Jordan Photography no longer existed. Not a good thing to happen to a business that relies on being visible on the web.

As you may or may not know, Google's idea of customer service (an oxymoron of monumental proportions), is a phone number with a voice recording apologizing they "do not offer live customer support at this time." As if they are so financially burdened and that the available workforce is so scant that they simply cannot either afford or find qualified individuals to field simple questions from their customers. Questions like, "Why does my business no longer exist on the web?"

Now then, to be more exact, and most vital to my portrait studio, all my client reviews vanished! No joke! Gone. E v a p o r a t e d. Lost in cyberspace to who knows where. I don't know what this would do to your constitution, but mine was under assault! 

Considering that the number one reason new clients cite for calling my photography studio is because of the outstanding reviews, that Google lost them was not a small issue. From my perspective, it was catastrophic! And, as I have just expressed, there is literally not a soul to contact to inquire as to either what happened to them or when things will be put right again. 

It wasn't until days later when I began to read of this disaster occurring to thousands of other businesses all across the country that I could sleep again. It was a huge relief just knowing that I at least did not in some innocent way rankle the impenetrable armor of the celestial Google-godhead, and was blacklisted into oblivion. Don't laugh, I've heard it happen. One day you're in your in Google's good graces, and the next, it's no-google-for-you! Their the veritable Soup-Nazis of the internet. 

Tomorrow
Part 2
Part 3

NEWS FLASH: You'll never guess what just happened to me as I was writing this blog post. I received a notice from Google stating that they terminated my... 

Mark Jordan
©GOOGTOON - Observations on Life • Popular Culture • Politics • Entertainment • Public Figures